Feel This
by LightHope1
Summary: This is an AU story. Jess and Rory grew up together in Stars Hollow. They are best friends but the death of Lorelai haunts the town and the Gilmore family. Rory is trying to find her path and figure who she will become in this world. Enjoy.
1. Another cup of joe please

I took an extra long sip of my coffee before looking at the clock. I watched Luke take another order and knowing that he wouldn't be getting to me in time. I sighed and walked up to the counter. Jess was engrossed in one of his books I'd talked him into.

"I don't get this Elizabeth character…" he said while pulling my favorite donut from the pile.

"You just got to keep reading jess. By the way you're going to be late for school." I said smirking to him.

"Great, Uncle Luke I'm out." He said while grabbing his backpack and dragging my arm which held my donut in mid bite.

Luke half waved at our disappearing bodies. "What am I going to do with those two?" he muttered to himself.

It had always been Jess and I. Since the day when I first arrived at Stars Hollow after my mother had left her family. She was toting me in one arm while asking Fran the bakery lady about how to get to the Independence Inn. Jess had been in the same bakery with his uncle Luke. His mother had convinced her older brother to take Jess till things settled down in New York. Jess's uncle Luke couldn't get the young boy to eat anything in the dinner. So he hoped Fran could help him somehow.

As my mother Lorelai finished with the directions she noticed how large my eyes got about the cookies I saw on the display. Fran saw my excitement and handed me a cookie. After my first one, she had me hooked for life. A young Luke Danes asked for a cookie for the small boy in his arms. That was the first time I ever saw Jess.

"I'm so bored." I whispered in English class to Jess. He rolled his eyes and said, "You should have brought a book."

I rolled my eyes and tried to focus on our teacher. It was how school was for us. I worked my ass off for my grades while Jess just learned it once and he understood. He was a genius it's just he was cold to outsiders. He hated authority and being caged up.

The final bell rang and I packed up my bag. "Hey I'll see you at the diner later. You got to help me with my math homework." I said.

"I have plans tonight." He said.

"You never have plans Jess. Trust me I'd be the first person to know about this revelation. Meet at Dinner 7pm."I said.

I walked out the door as he shouted, "I won't be there." He watched as my figure disappeared into the crowd of Stars Hollow High.

I went over Lane's house to see if she knew something I didn't. Apparently my head was in the sand. A girl named Olivia Howards not Jess's usual type. Considering his last girlfriend Shane was a real winner. Lane filled me in that Olivia was smart. She was also rich, brunette, and a cheerleader. Those were the types that Jess and I used to make fun of.

"I can't believe he would go for a girl like her." I said while looking through Lane's 1975 music collection.

"Come on Rory. Jess doesn't have a type. We have seen him try every type. He'll dump her after a few weeks and then our group will be back to normal." She said while yanking a CD that didn't belong in that genre.

"I hope your right Lane because I don't want to be on cleanup crew for this ex-girlfriend."

Lane listened to hear if her mom was coming up the stairs. "Give him some slack. Remember when you dated Dean and how that blew up in your face. How you couldn't tell him you loved him. Jess and I both had to clean up that wreckage."

"I just don't know about this Olivia girl." I said.

"Let's leave Jess to his own choices. He's nearly seventeen. How about we save me from Korean marriage and get you a new boy. Did you see how Jacob Matthews was looking at you in English?" She said while closing up her closet.

Jacob Matthews, he was an amazing soccer player and taken the Stars Hollow High Minutemen to several championship wins over his high school career. "He's kind of cute and I really don't notice him in English because Jess takes up all my conversation time. It's the only class I have with him."

"Maybe you should talk to Jacob instead of Jess tomorrow."

"I'll think about it. I know Jess won't mind considering Olivia's in our class." I said while smirking.

As Jess promised and much to my disappointment; he wasn't at the diner at 7pm. He didn't come back when the diner closed and Luke said I should go home. I was frustrated. I couldn't go home without having to face my father who only looked at old photos of my mother. It had been two years since her death. Yet my father couldn't get over her memory. It wasn't like I didn't think about how life would be different if she were to be alive. However when my dad saw me, he saw the haunting image of my mother. Everyone saw her in me, I couldn't escape nor did I want to. It's how I carried a part of her with me.

I decided to take a walk to the bridge. The place where my mother and I used to talk when I was sad and she wasn't sure if staying married to dad was right for her anymore. I sat with my eyes looking into the water. I remembered that cold winter night when my mom had found me out here crying.

"_I thought I would find you out here." She said while half hugging my body. "Tell mom, everything."_

"_Jess is changing and he doesn't want to be my friend anymore."_

"_Did he say that to you? Because I can call up Luke." She said gliding her fingers through my hair._

"_I know we aren't sixteen yet but why does he have to be such a jerk to me? I thought I was the only one he would always stay to close with." I said between sobs._

"_Ya'll are just freshman in high school. It's an awkward time. Jess will come around again. He's dealing a lot with finding about his mom being in rehab and his supposed father in California. Just wait and he'll come back to you. I remember thinking the same about your father…Back before we both had to grow up." she said._

_I nodded and lay my head in her lap. "Promise that it will work out and that you'll help me through it all."_

_She laughed lightly and said, "Honey I'm your best friend and I promise to be there every step of the way."_

My mind jolted to reality when I heard a thud on the bridge. I looked and saw nothing. "Why aren't you here like you promised mom?" I whispered to myself as I got up and walk towards home. A home that was full of old scars, memories, and a father that didn't know how to function.

I found my father on the couch. He had a beer bottle in his hand and the old video camera was hooked up to our TV. My mom's face was plastered in pause mode. A giant cake in her hands from Jess's 5th birthday. I turned off the TV. I pulled a blanket over his body and then took the portable phone into my bedroom. I listened to all five messages from my grandparents. Then I curled up in my bed and tried to sleep. It was another day in my life without my mother.


	2. Be my halo

I wanted to thank my reviewers.

**Curley-Q, Kylielink, 1967 Impala, Satellite-of-love, and That Don't Make Me a Bad Guy.**

Halo.

I heard my alarm and like clockwork my hand snaked out for beneath my warm covers. I slammed it in weak attempt but all I heard was a clatter and the alarm seemed to get louder. I groaned and slid out of bed. My mind thought of two things; coffee and how in the heck was I'm going to get my father out of this house to work.

I got out of my room and headed to the coffee maker. Of course we were out of coffee. I groaned and looked at the sticky I'd posted days before in warning to my father to get some from Doosey's.

"Dad, we are out of coffee." I called as I crossed towards the living room where I saw a lump of a man under a blanket.

"Go to Luke's." my father mumbled.

"You need to get out of bed. You promised that you would today."

"Ror, not today. I don't have the fight too."

"This has got to stop. Mom wouldn't want this." I shouted.

"You don't know what you mother would want and even if it was what she wanted she's dead." He yelled before storming up the stairs.

I sighed out of frustration and tears merged on the horizon of my eyes. Why did he have to be like this?

At least one battle was won today. He moved off the couch; one small victory for the Rory Gilmore team.

I looked up at the clock and then rushed to change. I had to get coffee at Luke's before school or there was no way I would be able to function. I reached my mother's old jeep in the driveway. Today was a jeep day.

I pulled up in front of the diner. I saw Luke do a double take. He only associated my mother with that car. Granted I had driven it several times since her death it got easier each time. I got out of the car and Kirk appeared out of know where.

"You're blocking my view." He said.

"What are you talking about Kirk?" I asked.

"Luke won't let me back in the diner but he'll let me sit here exactly 15ft away. It's a good compromise considering I tried bringing pig into the diner."

"You brought a pig into the diner? That's like not sanitary." I laughed.

"His name is Pig Kirk." He said seriously.

"When will you learn Kirk?" I echoed as I moved towards the diner doors.

"What about the car?"

I shouted, "Just deal!"

The bell jingled and Caesar and Luke were in full swing with the morning crowd. I found a seat at the diner top. "Coffee?" I said while Luke came to place an order.

"Sure thing." He said.

"Where's Jess?" I asked.

"He didn't come home last night and I figured …oh boy I thought he was over your place. Sometimes you know he visits…" he stammered on.

"I got school. Bye and thanks for the coffee." I said while walking out.

I crossed the street and was joined by Lane. "You got to hear the dirt."

"What is it now?" I asked while sipping on my coffee. "Jess and Olivia is officially an item!"

"Grand now we get to watch this fall apart." I muttered.

"Come on Rory, maybe they will be happy." She said optimistically.

"Yeah maybe they will be. And I hope their happy together." I grabbed her arm and hurried towards homeroom.

Classes went on in a blur. I watched in distaste during English as Olivia coaxed Jess out of his normal seat to sit next to her. I saw the looks he gave her between flipping of his pages of a Hemingway. Go figure he would give up on my Austin. However my mind began to wonder itself to Jacob; Lane has planted the idea in my head about that possibility. But who really wanted to date a girl like me. As first glace it looked like I had everything going for me but under the surface I was falling slowly apart. I had so much happening beyond the borders of Stars Hollow High.

"Hey Rory, how are you?" asked Jacob calmly while I packed up my school bag. I watched in my vision as Lane gave me a thumb up and walked out of the classroom.

"I am doing well actually. Thanks for asking. I got to head out though have to go to Hartford." I said almost mechanically without emotion.

"You're going to see your grandparents and Emma?" he asked.

Nobody ever asked about my grandparents and Emma was a sore topic. I looked up at him. "Yes I am."

"Well I have a little sister about Emma's age if she ever needs a play buddy when she comes to visit Stars Hollow." He said.

I smiled. "That's so kind of you Jacob. I'll keep that in mind and might call you sometime. Now I really have to go."

"Bye Rory." He said while walking out of the class room.

I got into my car and started up the engine. I began the journey to my grandparent's house. It was the drive I did every weekend and when I was out of school on holiday I either remained at the grandparent's pool house or brought Emma back to Stars Hollow.

I let the music absorb my thoughts. It was harder at first. Jess and Lane used to drive with me but as time passed it was easier just for me to go. Emma was a beautiful blessing. She was my little sister and the only remaining tie I had to my mother's last moments of life. I would get frustrated hating how my life had turned out but when I saw her big blue eyes and happy smile it melted away.

My mother's death was sudden and unexpected. It seemed like yesterday how I had snap the only picture of Emma with our mother. That picture is framed in my room and someday when Emma's older I'll give it to her.

_My mom looked at her new baby daughter from her bed. Then she looked up at her daughter Rory._

"_You now have a young sister to teach all you know to." She said confidently._

"_How will I know what to do?" I asked._

"_You will have everyone there to help you. Plus if all else fails you can head those how to raise a kid books." She laughed._

_I grabbed the camera as they carried out Emma for my mother to properly hold. I captured my smiling mother and baby sister looking at each other. It was a perfect moment._

_My mother was taken from her bed and placed in a chair. She was pasty white and looked up at the nurse. "I feel light headed." She barely spoke above a whisper. Then her body became limp and she was on the ground. I screamed and the nurse handed me my little sister. _

_I was ushered out of the room. My sister was taken from my arms and I waited with my grandparents and the rest of our family and friends. We all had been nervous and frantic._

_Finally the doctor asked for my father and I to talk privately with. He told her that she had complications that were unexpected. He told us that she had a blood clot in her body and it had killed her instantly. Both my father and I clung to each other in tears. _

_My mother's death placed the town of Stars Hollow in a blanket of sadness. My father withdrew and became even more distant. His business trips became more frequent and he was detached from both Emma and I. Lucky it had been early summer when Emma was born. I had been able to take care of her full time but when school began the long hours of staying up and studying became too much. I had to turn to my grandparents. The same people that my mother vowed to never intervene in our lives._

_Jess, Lane and I went to see them. I carried Emma in my arms as we arrived at the Gilmore Mansion._

_Emily Gilmore opened the door. She was all smiles while my grandfather seemed distant and removed. He looked at Emma as if she was an issue._

"_Come in, Come in." said my grandmother._

_We all sat awkwardly in the living room across from my grandparents._

"_I called early this week because I was wondering if we could talk about Emma. As you know my father Christopher is constantly working and I have school. I was wondering if somehow Emma could stay here during the day. I know this is a lot to ask of you."_

_My grandmother's smile curled into a fine line. "So you have finally come to us after both you and your father slammed the door on our offer after Emma's birth?"_

"_Please understand Mrs. Gilmore, Rory didn't know what to do." Jess said calmly._

"_There will be rules if we help you" echoed my grandmother "Conditions to be precise."_

_I nodded while holding Emma's sleeping figure in my arms._

"_You shall have dinner with us every Friday night. And stay in the pool house every other weekend with Emma. You may bring her back to Stars Hollow only two weekends of the month and she must be back before 7pm on Sunday evening. We will supply a nanny and the proper care for her wellbeing during the week. Is this understood?"_

_I nodded and thanked them profusely. I knew deep down that my mother would have found another possible way then this but I had no other option. I watched my grandparents become part of both Emma and I lives. _

Even though I have forsaken my ability to have a boyfriend and a social life after two years from my mother's death I have been rewarded with a little sister and a slowly recovering father. My friends have been my support and lifeline.

I arrived at the mansion; I pulled the jeep up to the gates. I leaned against the car as the newest maid in my grandmother's collection arrived to enter the code. "Welcome home Ms. Rory."

I nodded and sipped on my coffee. It would be another evening with Richard and Emily.


	3. Fighting wasn't an option

**Thank you again for all my reviewers support!**

Fighting wasn't an option.

Over the past two years my relationship with my grandmother had changed. She as my mother always described was snobbish high society and lived in a world controlled by Mrs. Manner's and strict social code. However when you took a closer look at her, she had a kinder side.

It was harder at the beginning to make conversation. My grandmother looked at me like a foreign object; I was a splitting image of Lorelai and had the frustrating personality to match. We only seemed to be able to talk about school, Emma and my life in Stars Hollow. I can remember the first time we connected. It was thanks to a planned shopping trip for Emma's first birthday.

"_I want to get the perfect gift for Emma's first birthday." said Emily Gilmore as she shifted through clothes at the fancy shop in Hartford._

_I just shook my head. "Grandma, she won't even remember her birthday. She'll mostly just stare at the cake we buy her at the supermarket and giggle. Mom always said that first birthdays were really for the mothers."_

_Emily looked at me; her eyes were down cast. "I can't find anything in this store. At these prices there charging we should be able to find something."_

"_This is the 12__th__ store! Let's just go to baby place down the street."_

"_That's for people who can't afford these clothes. Why would I buy from a place like that?" said Emily as she shifted her purse to her other shoulder. "We should go."_

_We walked out of the store and headed to the parked Lexus. Emily got into the car and then just sat there. Her eyes weld up with tears."This terrible dry eye I have." muttered Emily. Only One name came to my mind Lorelai._

"_I miss her too." I whispered._

_Emily turned in her seat towards me. "This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to live."_

"_I wish everyday that she was alive. That she could have seen her baby grow up and finally have the happy ending she deserved." I said._

_Emily hand shook as she touched my shoulder. "I am glad I have you."_

"_I think mom would have wanted this. She didn't have time to mend that bridge. But both Emma and I are here now. So it's going to be okay." I said._

_She weakly smiled, "So you mentioned earlier about this baby place store? How about you show me it?" _

_I nodded and we drove to the store. Everything changed for the better after that._

I fallowed the maid into the house. I placed my jacket on the coat rack and I heard my grandfather's voice from the living room. "Rory, you are early!" he said excitedly. I walked into the room with a pleasant surprise. My grandfather, Richard Gilmore, sat in his reading chair with Emma on his lap. Her bouncing brown curls flowing down her back. She turned her head towards me and a huge smile lit up her face. "Ro Ro!" she said while reaching her arms up in the air for me to pick her up.

I walked over to her and picked her up. "Emma, what is papa showing you now?" I said.

"I was showing her on the big globe where Europe and Asia were." He said very proudly "she was able to point them out and I promised her we would travel there someday."

I shifted Emma's weight to the other side of my body.

"I am sure she would love an adventure like that. So where's grandma?" I asked. He looks around and shrugged his shoulders.

"Emily? Rory is here." He shouted as he rose from the chair and began his search. Emma clung to my neck and said, "Ro Ro you were gone so long this time!"

"Guess where we are going after din din tonight?" I said.

She couldn't say stars hollow yet but she could say Luke's. "Luke." She shouted.

I nodded and kissed her forehead.

Emily arrived at that very moment with a huge smile on her face. "Rory, I am so glad you're here early. I have to ask you two huge favors."

I nodded. "Sure, ask away."

"First, I need your help with picking an outfit out this dinner function tonight for the DAR and I was wondering if we could skip Friday night dinner and you could just go back to Stars Hollow with Emma. I was hoping you could keep her till Monday considering it's a holiday for your school? I know this is all short notice but please understand." She said.

"Sure thing, I am pretty sure that everyone will be thrilled to see Emma and tonight is the fall festival and there should be plenty of things Emma will enjoy."

"Do not say sure thing. You know how I frown upon poor English and I am trying to teach Emma to speak properly." Emily said while directing me to sit down for the mini fashion show.

I helped her pick out a beautiful gown and then both Emma and I were off to Stars Hollow. "Ro Ro will JJ and Lane be there?" Emma asked while playing with a small ball in the backseat. Her toys and away bag were surrounding her car seat.

"I know Lane will be. I don't know if JJ will make it." I said while looking at her with through the mirror.

Emma loved Jess and Lane. They had always spoiled her and as Lane said we had to start her love of music early. I often wondered if Emma understood that she didn't have a mother. I wondered if she missed her. With Emma being so young she must have thought both Grandma and I was her mother. I knew it would be a few more years before she completely understood.

We finally arrived at home. Of course dad's car was gone. It meant he had gone to work after all but I knew he wouldn't be home this weekend. His excuse would be another business meeting in New York. I knew the real reason though it was the sight of Emma that made him cry behind closed doors.

We walked into the house and Emma walked towards my bedroom. It was her favorite space in the whole house. Over the years my room had drastically changed. I had taken a lot of my mother's clothes since I was older now. I still wanted to go to Harvard someday but it was more of glimmer of faded dream now. The clothes at first seemed wrong to wear but I really couldn't part with them.

"What should Ro Ro wear tonight Emma?" I asked my little sister as she sat on my trundle bed.

"PINK!" she shouted. I nodded and pulled out my mom's crazy pink cowboy hat and placed it on Emma's head. She giggled and touched the feathers and smooth top. Emma was born ready for the world. She was for a two year old but acted older then her age.

I put on my favorite jeans and a pink v-neck. "What do you think?" She nodded and grinned up at me.

"Alright lets go." I said.

My mother always loved the silly town functions. I partly kept going to them purely out of tradition and party to engrave in Emma's world that these type things were important.

We arrived in the middle of the event. Taylor was ordering Kirk and Dean around to fix some fallen booths. Babette and Mrs. Patty bombarded Emma and I.

"Why hello Rory and Emma. She's getting so big!" said Babette.

I nodded and said, "It's good to see you too. Emma says Hi."

Emma put on her award winning smile.

Mrs. Patty laughed and said, "When will Emma be joining my dance class. You have no excuse young lady for not enrolling her. You can't say that just because you had a hard time learning that this little piece of sunshine can't dance. I can see it now. She'll be star of the over the rainbow pageant."

"Well I'll defiantly get back to you on that one. Oh I see Lane and Mrs. Kim! It was great seeing you guys." I said. Then I hurried away with Emma in hand. "That was ambush number one Emma."

She only giggled and pointed towards the petting animals as an indication that she wanted to pet the bunnies.

"Just one more visit then we can go I promise." I said. She pouted her lower lip but I knew better then to cave in.

"Hello Mrs. Kim." I said.

The older lady looked at both Emma and I. She said, "Rory, has Emma been eating the way I recommended and have you been teaching her the bible stories that I sent with Lane on her last visit?"

Before I could answer, Lane appeared while swooping in on Emma with a surprise hug. "Mama, I have personally been teaching her every story she could possibly need to learn."

Mrs. Kim nodded in approval. "Very good girls, now I must go find Mr. Doose."

I hugged Lane. "Thank you for saving me. You know I can't lie to your mother with a straight face."

Emma clung to Lane's neck. "Lane" she said in excitement "Can we go play with the bunnies?"

Lane looked at me. "How about I take the little rascal for a while and you go get some coffee from Luke's booth?"

"Luke has a booth? How did Taylor get him to do that?" I asked.

"You got to ask him." She said while heading towards the petting animals area.

I strolled over to Luke's booth. He was arguing with Kirk. "No, each cup costs a dollar Kirk. No exceptions."

Kirk looked at me. "How come she gets free coffee?"

I looked at Luke. "My mom got me a deal with the owner."

Kirk grumbled under his breath and walked away. "Thanks for the save kiddo." said Luke.

I laughed and asked, "So how did Taylor get you to put out a booth?"

"Some stupid clause he put into order at the meeting last month that I missed." He said while pouring me an extra large cup of coffee. "So how's your sister doing? I think I saw her with Lane?"

"She's wooing the crowd as usual. I don't think I even was this loved at her age." I said.

"You can't remember way back then but your sister has got competition. Your mom used to tote you around and with just one glace you had everyone captivated. Fran couldn't stop giving you free cookies. Plus you managed to be Queen Bee for years bossing Jess around. That boy worshiped the ground you walked on till ya'll got older." He said thinking back.

"Thanks for the coffee Luke. Speaking of Jess where is he? I want him to see Emma before I take her home for the night." I said while scouting the crowd.

Luke shifted his weight and looked away. "Jess went with Olivia's family to Martha's Vineyard till Sunday night. I am sure if he had known that Emma was going to be here he would have stayed."

I laughed. "When did Jess like islands? It's no problem; he should have remembered that it was Emma's weekend in Stars Hollow but she'll be around till Monday so no problem. Well I better head off but we'll be over bright and early with the toddler crowd."

He shuddered, "I hate the Saturday crowd."

"Bye Luke, please remember Emma's smile pancakes."

"She's the only one I will do that for." He said while pouring a new cup of coffee for a customer.

I searched the crowd for Lane. She was talking to a Korean fellow while holding Emma in her arms. I sighed and hurried over to play my part in rescuing both Lane and Emma.

So that's how the weekend played off; visits between Lane's, Luke's, Sookie's and staying in watching movies. Emma loved every moment and by Sunday night she was worn out. I placed her in bed early and went to sit out on the porch on the swinging chair.

It was the smell of vanilla that triggered the memory that floated in the air from Babette's house.

"_It is essential that Emma smells vanilla in her first few weeks. It's something about memory." said a very pregnant Lorelai._

_I looked at my mother. "Where did you read that bit of information?"_

"_In Parent weekly." said my mom while waving the magazine in my face "So how's the jess situation going?"_

_I looked at her and smiled, "He's finally coming around like you promised. It just was so strange. He treated me like the plague and then he's nice to me again."_

_She smiled. "It's because he loves you silly."_

"_Oh mom you know he cares about me like a brother would." I said trying to fend off the idea._

"_We are going to make sure he treats Emma here like a treasure she is." Lorelai said while patting her tummy._

_I stretched my arms and yawned. "I hope your right mom."_

"_Well why don't you ask him now? He's coming up the drive. I best get in before your father sees me out of bed. I hate bed rest." She said while slowly getting up._

I quietly rocked back and forth in the chair. As if on cue Jess appeared. His hair crazy and a half smile on his lips. He defiantly had the James Dean look going on tonight.

"So how was your weekend?" I asked "Something about islands and Olivia's family?"

"I owe you an explanation." He said weakly while adverting my gaze.

"Just save it for someone else Jess. No excuses, you promised me a long time ago that whenever Emma came home to Stars Hollow you would be here. Lane hasn't failed on that promise but you haven't lived up to it. She asks for her JJ and all I can tell her is that you're busy. You're disappointing her and me. For what a stupid girl that you'll end up breaking up with later!" I said while my voice began rising.

"Come on Rory. You can't say that to me it isn't fair" He said back "I really like Olivia. She's different."

"It wasn't fair that my mom died but she did. Life isn't fair but I am trying to keep Emma's world stable and small. I've had enough of this. I am going to bed." I said while getting up.

"Rory" He said more urgently "why won't you talk to me like a civilized person?"

I couldn't answer him directly "Goodnight Jess, see you at school." I said.

I shut the door and curled up on the couch with the afghan. Tears fell onto the blanket and when they were finally all dried up I walked into my room and curled up with Emma. Why couldn't I just cut Jess some slack?


	4. You won't find this

**You won't find this**.

**Thank you for your support and reviews.**

I stretched in bed the next morning. I opened my eyes and I found set of big blue eyes were staring straight at me and her small hands were grasping my fingers.

"Good Morning Sunshine!" I whispered.

"Ro Ro, guess what?" she said excitedly.

I yawned and shrugged my shoulders. She smiled and said, "I love you Ro Ro!"

"Oh do you now kiddo!" I sat up and began tickling her sides. Then I stopped and said, "I love you to Emma!"

A few hours later, we headed back to Hartford. Emma was grumpy and moody; her arms were crossed and she kept ignoring her toys. I was sad too partly due to our week separation and partly due to the problems with my friendship with Jess.

"Ro Ro where was JJ?" Emma asked.

I sighed and looked in the mirror at her sad face. "He was gone this weekend. I am sorry you didn't see him. Next time I promise."

We arrived at the Gilmore Mansion. The maid was outside awaiting our arrival.

"Ms. Rory you are needed immediately inside. I will take Emma from here." The maid said sternly.

Where did my grandmother find this one?

Emma shoved away the maid's reaching hands. "I want Ro Ro!" she shouted in the beginning of the tantrum. I turned from the door and walked back to the car. "I'll take her with me."

The maid raised her hand in protest. "I was given strict orders for you not to be involved and that I was to take her."

"My sister needs me and I will take her." I said and then shoved Emma's away bag in the maid's hands. "The mistress is not going to approve."

"I am sure my grandmother won't mind and if she does I will fix things." I said calmly while placing Emma on my hip and walking towards the house.

The maid shook her head and barely spoke above a whisper. "It wasn't your grandmother you should worry about it's the great grandmother."

I walked into the house. My grandmother, Emily Gilmore, rushed up to me. Her eyes were frantically shifting between Emma and I. "No, No, No this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Trix will have a fit! Rory, why didn't you give your little sister to the maid?"

I gave her a confused look. "Trix is here?" I said while pointing to the living room entrance. "Emma was upset and thought I was leaving her suddenly. I figured that this would be alright!"

"Nothing is alright at the moment. The woman calls from the airport! She gave me no notice to bring out her unwanted yearly gifts from the basement. And we still haven't told her about Emma!" she said barely above a harsh whisper.

"You told her about what happened to Lorelai correct?" I asked while shifting Emma in my arms.

It was silence that filled the room. "Now that explains why she wasn't at the funeral." I muttered angrily.

"It was your grandfather's choice." Emily countered.

"Well this needs to be set on track. Trix's needs the correct information." I said.

"Emily, why have you not brought me my tea?" hollered an elderly voice from the next room. "I can hear voices at the door; it's rude not to bring the company in to see me."

I gave my grandmother a dirty look and strolled into the living room.

Throughout my childhood I had very limited exposure to my great grandmother. I can only remember one time that I'd met her. I had been 10 years old.

"_Mom, why do I have to wear this dress? I hate it so much!" I muttered as we drove to Hartford and I scratched at the fabric._

_Mom sighed and looked at me, "It's because my grandmother demands it. Well she sent you it for your birthday and I don't want to be torn apart thanks to the old lady."_

"_Who is she anyways? We never go see grandma and grandpa." I muttered._

"_She is the matriarch of the Gilmore clan and honestly we are going to see how much Trix makes my mother squirm." She smiled as she said it at me._

From what my grandparents told me I had two very different opinions from them. My grandmother claimed that Trix was the essential focal reason why she and Richard ever had problems. However my grandfather claimed that his mother maybe traditional but loved the family dearly.

I was thankful I had worn one of my more conservative outfits and Emma was in a cute fall outfit. The elderly woman looked me up and down. Her eyes were stern and critical. "You look exactly like your mother." She said.

"Thank you?" I said slightly confused.

Emily walked into the room with the tea at exactly the moment Emma wiggled out of my grip and walked over to Trix. My great grandmother had the most peculiar look on her face. Emily froze too scared to move.

Emma looked Trix straight in the eyes. "Hi, I am Emma."

Trix turned her head towards Emily. "Who is Emma related to?" she said sternly.

I watched my grandmother be a loss of words. "She is my mother's second daughter. Her full name is Emma Lorelai Gilmore." I said. Trix's gaze turned back to Emma. "She looks like me as a child."

I smiled meekly. "I think you need to be informed on some topics."

Trix looked back at Emily. "Please leave her and me for the time being. I will call upon you at a later time."

I sighed as I watched my grandmother walk away. I sat on the couch directly next to Trix's chair. Emma rested her head in my arms and slowly fell asleep as I played with her brown curls.

"So this is Lorelai's youngest daughter? Why I was not informed of this birth?" she said.

My eyes drifted from Emma to Trix. "They thought it was for the better you didn't know."

"Did not know what?" she said.

"Lorelai died two years ago right after Emma's birth. Since then Emma lives here ninety percent of the time and I come on the weekends. As for my father, he's still trying to get his life back in order in Stars Hollow."

Trix face was unreadable. She slowly stood up. "This is unacceptable."

"But it really is alright. I commute from town to the city as often as I can. My education is still my first priority and I would refuse to move." I said.

"You are only a child. This is an adult matters. I need to speak with my son immediately." She almost shouted.

Emma woke from the noise. Her eyes were misty with sleep. Emily barged into the room. "Trix, we resolved this issue a long time ago. You will not be changing it."

"Emily, you are causing me to feel light headed. I need to rest and then attend to this issue. I would like to be taken to my room right away. And Emily when you're done with that place all my unwanted gifts out on display." She said sternly.

I sighed and remained sitting. "Rest well." I muttered.

Emily came back into the room minutes later; her face was strained and upset. She sat next to me and I watched her hands tremble.

"Why did you have to do that?" she demanded after a moment of getting her trembling under control.

I looked at her and said, "I thought I was doing the right thing but now everything's falling apart."

"I want you to take Emma with you now. I think its best that she stay with you till Trix leaves."

I nodded and looked at my sister. "Guess you're coming home with me after all."

She smiled happily. I sighed and got up to help pack Emma.

In less than hour we were back in Stars Hollow. I parked my car in front of Luke's and helped Emma out of her car seat.

We strolled in and I watched Luke for a moment before sitting down. Emma sat in my lap for the time being. She loved her Uncle Luke.

_I remember the first conversation we had after my mother's death. It had been late at night when I had Emma on my own and often I had remained awake only running on coffee._

_I had knocked on the diner door, tears in my eyes and a sleeping baby in her carrier. He had been up late cleaning the kitchen and saw me on his way back up to his apartment. Jess had gone off to bed and didn't answer his phone._

_He opened the door and said "You look like you could use some coffee."_

_I nodded and he looked down at my sleeping sister. "She's a handful."I said._

"_That's what your mom used to say about you and jess. I never understood how she could run an Inn and watch both of you guys." He said chuckling to himself. "She used to say that I would owe her someday for all the babysitting."_

_I sat at the main counter rubbing my temples and looking over at baby Emma sleeping in her carrier. _

"_Luke I cannot do this. I don't know how my mom did it alone for the first few years. I don't sleep well, I still think she'll walk into our kitchen one morning and laugh at my tiredness. Her memory is so familiar still and yet each passing day it slowly fades. I want to keep her memory alive for Emma's sake but it's getting harder. And my father he's a mental wreck, he won't touch her." My crying made my whole body shake."When my mom died so did all the information on how to raise her."_

_I felt warm arms wrap around my body. "It's going to be okay Rory. You have me and this whole town. We will help you raise her. Plus every meal is on the house till farther notice for the both of you guys." He lightly touched baby Emma's arm and suddenly she grasped his thumb. _

_I looked up and weakly smiled. "Thank you Luke."_

"_How about you go crash on the couch upstairs and I keep watch of the little troublemaker for a while." He said. "I know I don't seem like the kid type and I am not but Emma here is the exception."_

Luke came over smiling at Emma and I. "Well what will it be girls?"

I answered, "One set of smiling pancakes, a burger, fries and a coffee."

"Coming right up." He said while walking away.

I heard a thunder of feet on the stairs from the apartment above us and then Jess arrived. He grabbed a coffee mug and poured. His gaze locked eyes with me. Then I felt Emma squirm from my lap onto the ground. "JJ" she squealed with delight as he saw her come running towards him. He placed the mug down and swooped her off the ground. "Hey Sunshine! How are you doing?"

A crooked often not seen Jess smile appeared as he talked to her. She was speaking a mile a minute using her small arms to explain our adventures. I smiled slightly. His gaze met mine and for a moment our fight the night before vanished. Like all fights with Jess I always seem to be at a loss of words days later.

He carried her over and sat in the seat next to me. "So how are you holding up? You look tired and defeated."

"I've had better days. Apparently my big mouth has gotten me in trouble with the grandparents and till farther notice I have Emma full time." I said.

"Well no problem with that. Its way better when she's home where she belongs! Don't you agree Emma?"

The little girl grinned and nodded. "Luke is home."

The food arrived and Jess let Emma sit on his lap while she ate.

"You and I need to talk." He said.

I nodded. "How about we talk tonight while Emma is asleep? I am sure dad won't be back once he catches wind that Emma's here for the rest of the week."

"Maybe, he'll come back." He said.

I shook my head.

"Don't give up hope." He said while patting me on the arm.

"Easier said the done, James Dean." I said while smirking.


	5. No Sunrise for Me

**No Sunrises for Me.**

**I'm sorry this chapter is short and that I didn't write sooner. It's been a very busy week and I promise the next chapter will be longer! Thank you fans for reviewing!**

I rested my eyes as I sat on the porch in the late afternoon. The changing of leaves was slowly beginning around the property and a light fall breeze felt good on my cheeks. Earlier that day, Sookie had volunteered to take Emma for the night. She said she hadn't seen her goddaughter in months. Emma's excitement elevated, when she saw Sookie, her arms were raised in the air and she was enveloped by the woman's embrace.

"How are my favorite girls?" she asked while placing Emma on her hip. Emma's short arms played with Sookie's hair.

"I'm just dealing. Jess is coming over tonight to help me with some homework and to talk. I really appreciate you taking her off my hands." I said.

Sookie smiled, "Anytime Kiddo. I have a baby at home who will love to see Emma. I understand how stressful these things can be and I really can take her for more than tonight. How about you see how tomorrow plays out and I'll come by in the evening and see what happens? "

I weakly smiled and nodded. "Thank you again Sookie. You really didn't have to do this."

"Honey, I promised you a long time ago that I'd be the best godparent in the universe. I haven't had much opportunity with you only having her for weekends and such. I'm glad she's home where she belongs. Take an easy tonight alright?"

"Alright, I promise I will. Emma I'll see you tomorrow night. I love you!" I said while kissing her on the forehead.

Emma waved at me and then began to talk in-depth to Sookie. Somehow, it felt like that everyday Emma got bigger, smarter and more independent. I sighed to myself as I watched them drive away.

I walked into the house; it looked exactly like it had when my mom lived here. I sat on the couch. At first I read a magazine, the watched the hours waste away. He wasn't coming like he'd promised. "Good going Jess, I bet Olivia's got your tongue tied." I muttered to myself. I decided to lock up the house and fall asleep.

I woke to a loud clamor in the hallway; I straightened up into a sitting position only to see my father's coat. I looked at the clock it was 2am.

"Dad?" I mumbled.

"Oh, Rory I didn't mean to wake you up. I was just trying to organize the kitchen before you woke up!" he said in a low whisper.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were staying in New York? She's not here if you're wondering?" I said.

He walked into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. "I am here because it's time for me to act like your father. I got a phone call from Trix Gilmore this afternoon." He said "I've come home to raise you properly; you need me as much as I need you."

"What about Emma?" I said. "Just because I need you so does she."

"She will be raised by your grandmother and grandfather." He said calmly.

My eyes swelled over in tears. "This isn't fair! You can't take her away from me. It's not your place."

"The Gilmore's have already taken her from Sookie's house this evening." He said while trying to comfort his daughter.

"No, no, no!" I hollered. "How could you allow this? She was the only thing I had left connected to my mother!" I grabbed some sweat pants and a jacket.

"Where are you going?" he asked while following me into the kitchen.

"Out" I yelled while slamming the door. I didn't make it but a few steps before collapsing into heaving sobs.

I hit speed dial and let it ring in my ear. "Hello?" said a very groggy voice. I managed to make it to the jeep.

"You didn't come?" I said while holding back a sob. "She's gone."

"Who's gone? Rory what's wrong? Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm in the jeep. I'm just going to drive somewhere and Emma is gone. "I blurted.

"Drive to the diner, I'll meet you outside and we can talk." He rationed. "I'll bring you the biggest cup of coffee in the world."

I swallowed back another set of tears and focused on the road. I made it to the diner in record time. As promised a very tousled and tired Jess awaited me with a huge cup of coffee for me.

I parked and got out. He quickly placed my coffee on the car just as I tackled him. He hugged me tightly and let his fingers lacy into my hair. He whispered in my ear, "It's going to be okay." I sighed and allowed myself to relax. I always had felt safest in his arms and for once I wasn't going to fight him on his logic.

"Come on lets go to the bridge." He said while giving me my coffee and placing one arm around my shoulders. I leaned in closer to his embrace. For this one moment, Jess was mine. He protected me and would help me do anything to get everything back on track. However after the sun rose in the sky, he would be Olivia's and my world would be broken again.

I watched the black swirls in the water. "I can't believe this happened." I muttered.

Jess stood looking down at me. "We will get her back. You have every right to raise her. You mom would have wanted you too."

I looked up at him; my eyes were puffy from crying and my lower limp whimpered. "That may have been what my mom wanted but she isn't here to say so now is she?"

He sighed and sat down next to me. "No she isn't and this is a huge burden. However I know it doesn't seem like it now but it's going to be okay. I promise you Rory."

I looked back at the water, and thought to myself. _ I hope you can keep this promise._


End file.
